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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?